Ask Missy: Who should plan the shower?

Hello Beauties

I often get asked wedding etiquette questions and I love helping people solve their problems by mixing traditional wisdom with modern solutions.  In the past, the rules were very strict when it came to the proper way of handling the events surrounding the wedding day but for today’s bride, I like to think of them more as guidelines.  It is more important to make things as easy and relaxed as possible than follow a set of rigid rules.  I will share  the questions I get asked in a new series called, Ask Missy.  Be sure to send in the questions you need answered!

Does the maid of honor plan the bridal shower?

Dear Missy,

I have a close group of girlfriends and I made the difficult decision of picking my maid of honor.  She lives out-of-state and it has been hard to get her involved with the planning of the showers, going bridesmaid dress shopping and just being a support system before I walk down the aisle.  She is flying in for the bachelorette weekend in Las Vegas but I was expecting her to plan the bridal shower too.  When I mentioned this to her, we got into an argument and now I am contemplating her maid of honor status.  How should I approach this subject without ruining our friendship for good?

Sincerely, Missing my BFF

Hello Missing,

I can understand why you are feeling exasperated with your maid of honor but you have to try to be understanding of her situation too.  She may be struggling financially to fly back and forth to your events, plus buy the ultra glam dress and accessories for your big day and may be too embarrassed to come out and say that.  In the past, the maid of honor was responsible for planning and hosting the bridal shower but now it is not uncommon for the bride’s mother, aunt’s or even future mother-in-law to host the bridal shower.  The most important thing to stay focused on is the love your friends and families have for each other.  The details of who planned what party will be forgotten as the years go on, but the laughter and pleasant memories will linger for a lifetime.  Have a private Skype session with your bestie and let her know that you understand why she can’t fly to your state multiple times and that you are so excited for the amazing bachelorette party she has planned for you.  Then let her mom and your mom (who are also besties) plan the most amazing shower a girl could ever ask for.. and who knows she may just make a surprise appearance when you least expect it.

xo, MLM

Do you have an etiquette question and just aren’t sure how to handle it?  

Send your questions to and I will answer in the next installment of Ask Missy!


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