I’m back for another installment of Ask Missy! I love using a modern perspective to answer your questions about traditions and etiquette because that really is what MLM is all about. Combining the old with the new, mixing luxurious heirlooms with inexpensive flea market finds, and adding that bit of magic that will make your event memorable.
This week I have a question from a maid of honor about the specific roles the bridesmaids should be playing and I give my Top 5 Bridal Party Responsibilities…. Read on For more!
I am one of 12 bridesmaids in my best friends wedding later this year and it has been a battle from the beginning. I have known the bride ever since we were in the same kindergarten class together. We went to different colleges but still remained close, writing and talking, just about everyday. She made new friends in college and when she announced that I was going to be her maid of honor they all turned on me. They keep piling on my responsibilities, saying that since I am the maid of honor I have to complete all of the shower and wedding tasks by myself, plus foot the bill for it all. I think we should split the to do list and costs fairly but it’s hard to stand up to 10 other girls. What are the typical responsibilities for a bridal party?
Sincerely, The MOH
Sometimes, the bridal party (mostly the bridesmaids, sorry ladies!) can get a little catty with each other, especially when two groups of friends are mixed, like work friends and gym friends or high school friends and college friends, but if you pass along my Top 5 Bridal Party Responsibilities then I think things will go a lot smoother.
1. Be upfront with tasks: Typically the bride and groom will get their bridal parties together to give them the news that they have been chosen to stand along side them at their wedding. Once the bridal party is announced then a meeting should be arranged between the bridesmaids and groomsmen, usually at seperate times and places with different info for each, unless you guys are having a co-ed shower or joint gift. At this meeting all of the budgets need to be planned out along with a general idea of responsibilities. If you have a few girls with major hookups at a hotel or nightclub, then put them on bachelor/ bachelorette duty. If you have someone that loves to bake and wants to plan the dessert bar or maybe someone is amazing with videos and editing have them create the slideshow. The to-do list doesn’t need to be split exactly, just let each person participate in a way that they will make the biggest impact and contribution.
2. Be upfront about budget: At the meeting also be sure to be upfront with your budget and how much you can realistically afford. If one person can’t contribute as much financially but is able to create all of the invitations, thank you cards and signage at the shower then allow them to gracefully participate. Another option is to determine what amount everyone can chip in and make the budget from there- for example, if everyone felt comfortable adding $100 to the shower budget and there were 8 girls, then the budget is $800. If anyone purchases anything, then those receipts are saved and deducted from what that person owes. It works best if one person is good with numbers and keep tracks of who owes what. In my experience this has worked out great and there aren’t any questions of who owes what.
3. Be present: When you are asked to attend a dress fitting or a cake tasting, be there! Oh, I should also add, Be there, On Time! Have a smile on your face and praise on your lips. Keep giving the bride compliments on how beautiful she looks in that dress or how amazing those red velvet cupcakes are. Even if it isn’t something you would envision for your big day, just be there and be supportive of your friend. Be sure to arrive early and wear something classy (and at the least, clean) because someone is bound to get the camera out.
4. Don’t bad mouth any one involved in the wedding: You must keep your negative viewpoints to yourself. Maybe the bride’s cousin stole your boyfriend in 8th grade or the best man is a pig, just remember to keep your trap shut. Don’t cause any uncomfortable situations, just smile and keep your distance. You don’t need to be fake and send emoji filled texts to each other but you can be civilized and cordial. This goes for family, bridal party and even vendors!
5. Go with the Flow: This is my most important piece of advice for anyone in a bridal party. Just decide to go along with whatever is thrown at you with a positive attitude. Maybe you don’t love your hair pulled back but that is what the bride’s wants- just do it, or maybe the bride’s mother has been dying to get everyone on the dance floor for a traditional polka- don’t roll your eyes, just do it! If there are any mini crisis, don’t add to the anxiety, just see what you can do to help the situation, if it’s nothing you can fix, then just be a happy person the bride and groom can turn to for relief.
Those are my Top 5 Bridal Party Responsibilities to have a smooth wedding planning process and wedding day. What are the tips you have for the bridal party? I would love to hear them in the comments below!